Conscious Living

The process of self-awareness begins by asking yourself some pointed questions about your present life, and answering them honestly.

Are you living the life you envision for yourself, or are you living up to other people’s expectations?

What are your dreams and aspirations?

Are you happy?

When I ask if people are generally happy with their lives, their answers vary. Some reply, “I don’t know what happiness is or feels like.” Others say, “I’m not sure.” Still others say, “When I am happy, it lasts for short periods of time only.”

Many believe they will be happy if they buy the new car, get the promotion, win the lottery, or find the right relationship. They are looking for happiness outside of themselves. In reality, happiness cannot be found through materialistic gain, the right job, or the perfect partner. Happiness is an internal process of realizing and claiming your full potential… all of who you are meant to be. The process consists of consciously assessing your life and asking yourself where you want it to go. It also means consciously exploring your beliefs about being happy. Are you preventing yourself from experiencing happiness due to religious or cultural beliefs, or the experiences of your family of origin? Do you feel guilty when you are having a good time? Exploring these questions consciously is the key.

The process of becoming conscious is common to psychology and spirituality. Freud developed the theory of the unconscious which states our lives are directed by forces not in our consciousness. Conscious living is a process of self-knowledge and understanding. It is referred to as “awakening,” “becoming aware,” “developing insight,” and “opening our eyes.”

The process requires inner work to heal from past hurt. This pain may be buried in our unconscious, and must be brought into consciousness, or to the surface. It entails identifying emotional blockages which prevent us from realizing our full potential. Freud believed consciousness was only a thin piece of the total mind, similar to an iceberg. The larger part, the unconscious, exists below the surface of awareness. Once you begin living your life consciously, it is difficult returning to an unconscious state. You develop new insight into your own behavior and you understand people differently. In the beginning, consciousness seems unnatural. The longer you continue to develop self-knowledge and insight, the better and more natural it feels.

The path to increased awareness and understanding entails facing issues in times of adversity, and being open to new perceptions and ways of being. Everyone’s path is different and is determined each individual’s life experience. The more you seek out experiences and relationships, the faster you will grow.

Many people are searching for this path outside of themselves by turning to outside authorities. This path is an internal and personal journey based on emotional and intellectual understanding and personal experience where you learn new ways of being. It requires commitment and dedication. It is also a path of self responsibility and self-love.

* The more conscious we become, the more we love ourselves and take responsibility for defining our lives and pursuing our happiness.
* The more we love ourselves, the more we are willing to embrace new attitudes and take new risks. We learn to move through fear and not allow it immobilize us.
* The more we love ourselves, the more courage we have to be true to ourselves.
* The more we love ourselves, the more we give ourselves permission to live the life we deserve. We create our own reality.

Sometimes, however, we sabotage our conscious intent by giving free reign to our core negative beliefs which keep us stuck in the same old behaviors and patterns. These beliefs have a powerful hold and pull us towards that which is familiar, even though these behaviors and patterns are self-defeating.

Here is an example. When I was in my mid-thirties, I returned to university as a mature student to complete an undergraduate degree. In my late teens I attended university for two years and attained a teacher’s certificate, rather than an arts degree, because my parents believed that if I became too smart, I would not find a husband. In those days I listened, and subjugated my own needs to please my parents. However, completing my education became a life-long goal, and finally I was doing it.

During the first few weeks after I returned to university, I was afraid. I did not understand the university jargon, and did not know how to write an exam or term paper. As I sat in class, my negative beliefs emerged saying “I am stupid,” I can’t do this.” I struggled with my core beliefs and almost quit. Several other mature students did quit. I mustered the courage to override my negative internal voices and made a conscious decision to stay enrolled.

In retrospect, my sense of self must have been good to continue pursuing my goal. My action plan consisted of: not feeding my negative beliefs, quieting their voices, having the courage to do things differently, and empowering myself by taking courses to enhance my study skills. There were no shortcuts. I faced my fears but it took every fiber in my body to continue. Five years later I graduated, with great distinction, completing a master’s degree in social work. I became the first social work student at my university to win the prestigious Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council Fellowship.

I recently heard a political candidate say: “One of the greatest feelings in life is the conviction that you have lived the life you wanted to live—with the rough and the smooth, the good and the bad—but yours, shaped by your own choices, not someone else’s.”